R U OK – A Slight Alteration

I went to a Year 10 drama production last week and it got me thinking about R U OK Day and the most important question we should be asking everyday. A not so obvious question.

Our twins were performing and they had been talking about this play for weeks. We found a comfy seat with what I thought was a good view and settled in for the night.

The curtain went up and our daughter appeared as the onstage narrator.

Tick, she’ll be easy to spot throughout this then.

A quick scene change and two extra teens are now performing.

“He’s quite a tall young bloke, doing well with his lines”, I thought.

I couldn’t see his face, he had his back to me. I laughed at just the right spot before the tall young bloke turned and I saw his face.

To my surprise, it was my young bloke!

How did I not recognise my own son – the teen who stumbles bleary eyed out to the kitchen each morning, seemingly having grown even more overnight?

In trying to pay attention to everything else that was happening on stage, I hadn’t registered that this was Will.

Life does that at times – distracts us with enough drama so we miss what is happening right in front of us.

Usually, the part that we miss is to do with our own wellbeing.

We keep delivering at work, at home, pay the bills, turn up as required. We mow the lawn, we take the calls. We move across the stage of life.

And we can miss that somewhere along the line we stopped seeing ourselves and we stopped being okay.

This Thursday is R U OK Day.

We’re supposed to ask each other: are you okay?

But I think the better idea may be to ask ourselves, “Am I okay?”

And then to ask someone we trust, “Do you think I am okay?”

And if the answer is no, it’s time to ask three more questions of ourselves:

Why am I not okay?
Can I imagine the okay version of me I’d rather be?
If so, how am I going to turn this around?

I did this earlier this year. The answer was, “no, I’m not okay” – confirmed by those who love me most.

I had to lean into those people to remind me of the okay version of me – she’d turned a little grey in my mind, too weary to remember clearly.

Turning it around has involved talking to a professional someone who can help me, adding in some regular walking to help release the good stuff inside me, changing some things up at work and deliberately finding things to enjoy that make me laugh.

In doing that, I’ve started to recognise myself again. Now, most days I’m tending towards more okay than not okay. It’s taken time and work, there’s more to come but it’s been worthwhile.

This R U OK Day before you reach out to ask someone else, make time to ask yourself: am I okay?

And if your job is making you not okay and getting yourself ready for a change will help you change your ‘not okay’ for the better, reach out to the team at Churchill.

We’re here to help: 1300 793 002 / hello@churchilleducation.edu.au